Bored and Extremely Dangerous

Yeah, something like that.

As the title says, I’m incredibly bored, so I figured I might as well write up a little something about what I’m up to.

As for what’s new:

* I’ve decided Law makes me miserable and that I have no drive to pursue it further. I’m very positive about the future, though, and can’t wait to move on to greener pastures.

* Training is going really well. I enjoy it a lot, and I’m seriously considering taking a fight this fall. Yes, a fight as in a “getting punched and kicked a lot and curling into a fetal position while crying for mercy” fight.

* I’m waiting for water to boil so that I can make dinner.

Disregarding my bullet points I’m not really up to much. Visiting my folks at their cabin over the holidays, so I reckon I’ll get a lot of reading done. I have a pile of books I’ve yet to start on, and I can’t wait.

I guess that’s about it. Happy holidays!

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A study of the “homo bergensis” and its behavioral patterns

Dear fans (yes, I am fully aware you don’t exist), I’ve finally decided to heed your tear-stained fan letters (also fictional) and write an update. After all, it’s been a month since the last time I bothered to write anything at all, and some of you might have suspected that I got skinned, raped and eaten. Not necessarily in that order.

To be perfectly honest, my rather uneventful life has been quite busy recently. I’ve been writing papers, presentations and sobbing uncontrollably. When I didn’t do that, I’ve spent the vast amount of my time punching pads and… well, writing some more. I’m starting to see the light in the end of the tunnel, though, and I’m enjoying myself.

My mother’s 50th birthday was rather amusing, and I personally think that the open bar visibly enhanced my speech later that night. No, seriously, I do. I’m a very charming young gentleman, I’ll have you know!

Anyways, enough with the drivel already. It’s time to write about my studies on the “homo bergensis”.

They’re a rather timid species based on my findings so far. I’ve slowly managed to gain their trust, though, and it seems like they’re starting to accept me as, if not a new member of the flock, at least a novel curiosity. While the elders of the tribe spend most of their time fishing (by pawing at rivers, I can imagine) and complaining about immigration, I find the cubs’ behaviors the most interesting.

Young “homo bergensis” go through a bizarre mating ritual every week known as “en tredagers”. They start ingesting their primitive alcoholic brew on Thursday afternoon, and won’t stop until they’re barely capable of standing up. Then they sustain that level of intoxication until Sunday morning. After that, it’s time for the males to court the females and for the females to attract the attention of the most genetically compelling males. This is achieved by a combination of what I suppose is meant to be flatter and painful, seizure-like movements that would probably be considered “dancing”by a less sophisticated person than myself.

Anyways, that’s pretty much it for now. See you later!

Currently listening to: The Czar – Mastodon

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Worn out, but happy

As you may or may not know, the first week of Norwegian University is dubbed “buddy week”. You randomly get put in a group with several other, new students, and have a couple of senior students supposed to entertain you for the rest of the week. The program is fairly varied: indeed, we had pub-to-pub runs, Homecoming, went to an island called Askøy to barbecue, and socialized lots. Most of it can be summarized with one word, though: drunk.

To make things even tougher, we also had lectures during the day. I live by “the early bird catches the worm”, so it was okay for me, though. I had gone through most of the curriculum in high school, so it’s been fairly easy for me so far. After the lecture was over, we’d typically get an hour or two to recoup and make food, before we once again met at a pre-disclosed location, where we marched\stumbled away for another day\evening\night of shameless dancing and solving world-problems.

It was enjoyable, but I’m glad it’s over for now. I have been thinking about nothing but training and studying for a few days now. I can’t wait for tomorrow!

Oh, that’s right, I can’t train tomorrow either due to a seminar. Brilliant.

Now that I’m done brooding, I can talk about happy things again. I’d very much like a cat (I love cats. Not too fond of Persian ones, though), but I’m not allowed to have one by my landlord, so I’m considering buying myself a mantis. I’ve always loved the European praying mantis (the Santa Theresa-mantis for you animal-lovers out there. It’s green), and might opt for one of those. What do you think?

If you have any questions regarding my (currently) drunken and uneventful life, feel free to shoot me a question. Peace.

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Let it rain

So, I just got back from watching Iron Maiden in concert at Koengen, Bergen. That’s a castle for you muppets.

Me and a couple of friends arrived there as the warm-up band, a melodic death metal band named “Dark Tranquility”, started playing. I was impressed by them, but they eventually stopped playing. What followed was 30-45 minutes of grueling elevator music, if the elevator had been run by a guy with a knack for 80s rock.

Eventually, though, after desperately starting several “MAIDEN!”-chants, the opening chords to “The Wicker Man” kicked in, and I forgot what the fuck a “Dark Tranquility” even was. By the time the first “your time will come” was shouted, we were eating out of their hands. What followed was killer track after killer track, and when the skies cracked and the water flowed down, it was a welcome release for a somewhat dehydrated, hyper fan. The lack of the old classics might have turned some people off (including yours truly), but it was nice to see some variation in their roster.

As we walked out with worn knees, hurting backs and sore throats, the ever so familiar “always look on the bright side of life” blared out of the speakers. Quite the finish, I’d say!

In other news, I found out that the Brazilian jiujitsu club I was going to join don’t accept students until January due to “spatial issues”. Luckily for me, though, I found what looks like a top-notch boxing\kickboxing\thai boxing club, so I’ll start doing that on Monday the 23th of August. I’d do it on the 16th, but I’m apparently supposed to socialize with the other students. Oh well.

Cheerio byebye etc.

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Stampeding northwards

So, I’ve finally moved. About bloody time, I say.

While minding my own business on the bus, reading a most delightful novel by P.G. Wodehouse, my life seemed to be fairly idyllic. This all came to an abrupt end when some police officer in a vest decided that our bus was a hive of criminals, infested with crooks and moonshining equipment. A particularly memorable moment was when the Dirty Harry-wannabe stormed the toilet.

I eventually got out of the bus, sick as a parrot (I get incredibly road-sick), and I was suddenly surrounded by herds of homo bergensis, investigating my exterior with blatant and shameless curiosity. As I swatted them away with my Wodehouse novel, I managed to weasel my way through the crowd and into the dark night.

You might have heard the popular philosophical question, “how does one fit an entire life into a backpack?”. Given recent experiences, I feel qualified to answer that question rather bluntly: you don’t. Between my hopes, dreams, personal library and (somewhat) clean pairs of underwear, I could easily fill three giant backpacks and still not get to bring my coffee maker (and I don’t even drink coffee. Thanks for the gift, though!). In the end, I only brought the vitals: clothes, books, and my trusty ol’ toothbrush. And of course my shitty, beaten-up, grizzled old laptop who’s seen more battles than general Custer. I just now realized that I haven’t christened it yet. From now on, you shall be named George.

Anyways, that’s just about it. Adios.

Currently listening to: Tim Minchin – Storm

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…writing out of the red corner!

Ladies and gentlemen, it is time!

As you may or may not know, I’m Eirik, and this, I suppose, is my blog. The reasons for me opening this blog are many; one might point to my repressed exhibitionism, or even my craving for attention in general. It might possibly be because I’m finally leaving my safe, secure nest somewhere in south-western Norway. In that aspect, I’m just like a bird. A bird who’s partially freaking out (I’ll be honest, moving in with my girlfriend doesn’t make me freak out less) and at the same time very happy to finally flap away from Mother Bird and all of the disgusting meals she puked into his mouth. Also, I can’t sing. I’d make a shitty bird.

I’m gonna spend the rest of this post introducing myself. This might seem like a massive waste of time, but I’m arrogant and deluded enough to assume that you have a modicum of interest in my person.

As you may have picked up by now, my name is Eirik. I’m at the time of writing 18 years old, preparing myself mentally for the rather life-changing experience of uprooting and moving away from home permanently, immersing myself in the works of P.G Wodehouse and George Orwell (I’ll try my best to avoid writing like mr. Wodehouse, even though it certainly is tempting), currently philosophizing about my existence, and about how the hell I’m going to adapt to Law studies.

Moving away from home allows me to pursue some of my hobbies even further, such as combat sports. I’ll start doing Brazilian jiujitsu in a couple of weeks, which basically means that my main hobby involves me rolling around the floor with other, sweaty men. It’s just as gay as I make it out to be. I’m also an avid reader, and tend to slip into my own world whenever I pick up something that’s appealing to me. Moving away from the five scoundrels I currently live with will most likely make it easier to read in peace, so that’s another hobby I’ll get to pursue more vigorously when I move.

Except for that, I can pretty much finish the list about stuff you need to know about me before I move on to the reason why I made this blog in the first place:

  • I’m a left-handed, test-tube baby atheist, which makes me the Anti-Christ by default.
  • I somewhat pursue the Nietzschian ideal of the «übermensch», something I believe has been misinterpreted to the largest degree. My interpretation of it (you can’t have anything else than «interpretations» about Nietzsche’s philosophy, in my opinion, as he wrote vaguely, enigmatically, almost poetically. This is me talking around the fact that he was batshit crazy) is that we should focus on improving rather than defeating, creating rather than destroying, and living by our own morals and opinions rather than adhering to existing philosophies just because they may be socially acceptable (or unacceptable, depending on the person). If you’re familiar with the movie\book «Fight Club», you might notice that this stands in stark contradiction to Tyler Durden’s personal philosophy, which has been interpreted as «Nietzschian» by several people.
  • I suck at keeping things short and sweet when it comes to writing.
  • I love brackets. My old English teacher constantly reprimanded me for it.
  • I love music. There’s generally something in every genre that appeals to me. I’m not very musical myself, excluding a brief stint playing the cello (which was in my childhood, only for a couple of years, and mostly forced, so it doesn’t count), and couldn’t give you a guitar chord if my life depended on it. The bands I spend the most time listening to at the moment are Iron Maiden, Porcupine Tree, Scorpions, Poets of the Fall, The Ocean, and Mew (they’re strangely creeping past my «I hate indie»-barrier).
  • I generally assume that people are stupid and\or uninteresting until proven wrong. Despite this, I’m a social animal.
  • I’m working on improving my lifestyle by getting at least ten hours of sleep a night, cutting candy and soda in favor of fruit and water, and generally improving my attitude towards new people.
  • I suffer from short achilles tendons in both of my legs, so running and walking on the same level as everyone else takes quite a bit more effort than it should. I’m still improving, though! 🙂

Anyways, the point of this blog isn’t for me to pour my heart out. I’m going to use this blog as a journal of sorts about my transition from my motherland, the People’s Republic of Aksdal, to the foreign land of Bergen. As a side-quest of sorts, I’ll also search for signs of intelligence in the hominids that inhabit Bergen (hereby dubbed «Homo Bergensis»). They have developed their own culture, their own language, and all of them practice some backwater, primitive and, quite frankly, ridiculous nationalism.

That was all for today. I hope you tune in for another exciting installment of «the Pro-Magnon’s journey into the foreign lands of Hordaland»! Or something. Peace.


Currently listening to: Iron Maiden – Stranger in a Strange Land

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